Metro Area News
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by Eric Bourland This page is a parody of real news and is not intended for readers under 18 years of age. Text of this page ("Metro Area News") copyright © 1999 – 2008 by Eric Bourland. All rights reserved. The content of this page is a public resource and may be distributed freely if unchanged and credited to the author. Thanks. |  | | |
98.7% of academic essays have titles divided by a colonWASHINGTON DC — Over 98% of graduate level academic essays have titles divided by a colon, according to a recent study sponsored by the Center for Review of Academic Pedagogy, a nonprofit organization based in Washington DC. "Our study shows that today's graduate students are unable to form an essay title from a discrete idea," said Dr. Bryn McDermott, 46, a leader of the study. "Their essay titles begin with a general, sometimes poetic or dramatic, thought that is halted by the colon, and then shift jarringly to a specific example of the preceding general thought." The study noted tens of thousands of graduate level essay titles that were bifurcated by colons, such as (Re)Weaving the Tapestry of Reflection: The Artistry of a Teaching Community, or English Romanticism in the U.S. Literary Studies: Literary-Historical Ideology and the Institution, or The Constitution of Language and Institutionalized Oppression: The Voices of Women in Sports Broadcasting. McDermott continued, "A student writer believes on a deep level that neither part of her essay's title, neither the general thought nor the specific example, is convincing enough to stand on its own." |